THE BIRTHDAY AND THE WEDDING DAY

By: Norberto Betita

The couple: Richard Albert Douglas-Denton and Shauna Megan Betita-Denton

While the whole family were on the way to join in the birthday and the wedding day celebrations of our last born Shauna Megan, enjoying the pristine beauty of the scenery all along the stretched route and beholding the delightful panorama of the surrounding verdant hills and the far vista of the metropolis from the pool at the venue, my thoughts lugged me a year far back into a quiet introspection of the same day---November 23, 2017---when  I wrote a blog of her entitled “A time to be single,” a phrase adapted from a Bible verse, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.” (Ecclesiastes 3:3.) In that I wrote that such a time was yet a point in her life to be alone, “until the man of her choice and of whom she can trust appears in God’s appointed time.”

Never an instant did I ever thought that from that time on, or in such so short a time as a year, she would be able to persuade Heavenly Father in prayer to rush the timetable as to fill the calendar of her birthday---November 23, 2018---with a more significant schedule of an event which she had long since hoped for, when the shadows of her youthful past will eventually be overtaken by an impressive sunshine of a new day in her life---her marriage to the man of her dreams. Finally, the majestic excitement of looking far into the immaculate splendor and fancy reverie of creating a wonderful family, which once was only an upshot of hope, will now become a reality as the birthday celebration turns into another most memorable chapter of her life and that of her husband---the wedding day.

This day is the time I have been longing for to finally happen for me to be able to wrap up a chapter in my personal history while I still live. Therefore I was inspired to write not about Shauna, but for her husband---RICHARD ALBERT DOUGLAS DENTON---my son-in-law. 

I did not know how they ever met, the only one thing that I understood was that they were both very exultant about stumbling upon each other in an unusual venue, as though they have seen each other’s big picture long before. When both their dreams closed and the welcoming door of physical presence was unlocked before their very eyes, they seemed to see each other as the flawless interpretation of the long held common vision of a man and a woman in love, as to excitedly and unhesitatingly decide to be engaged and have their marriage scheduled in a matter of five months---from June 23 to November 23, 2018. I don’t believe in soul mates, but I have faith that such an atypical determination to ply upon a very crucial life changing decision is inspired. Never did I know of any couple who made such a hasty decision about marrying after a very short time of acquaintance and engagement.

While they may not have so much time to familiarize with each other, it is incumbent upon them to continue to understand each other’s strength and weakness; character and virtues; and moral values, while already in marriage. What’s important is that they are sure they love each other and are willing to bind such love by a covenant in the sacred altar of matrimony. Gordon B. Hinckley said, “Love is the only force that can erase the differences between people; that can bridge chasms of bitterness.” (Gordon B. Hinckley, And the Greatest of this is Love, lds.org.)

My heartfelt gratitude is deeply influenced by Richard’s unwavering commitment to marry Shauna Megan so soon. It seldom happens to a man, perhaps not in a thousand. Psychologists may even label such a quick and impulsive marital decision as a reckless approach to marriage in accordance with scientific studies. Yet I beg to disagree because I look at marriage as a covenant, a solemn promise between two different individuals, and not an experiment. It is a commitment and a sacred pledge to have and to hold; for better or for worse; for richer or for poorer; in sickness and in health; to love and to cherish. The strength of such a binding contract is totally dependent on the earnestness and intensity of each couple’s feelings toward each other. So that no matter how long individuals should have to be engaged before marriage is not so much a matter of concern. I trust though that Shauna, who has earned a degree in Psychology with flying colors, and Richard, who is a well-educated and best informed University instructor, understood this best.

There are so many ways to consider in deciding to marry. While those considerations are important, yet the final test of marital stability and endurance are rooted in the couple’s ability to adjust and understand each other’s faults and personal weaknesses. Some of these earlier undiscovered relationship factors and individual differences may even emerge late during the marriage and sometimes create detours on the road to marital continuity. However, if a couple is looking forward with enthusiasm to a happy and enjoyable future, such shared vision can transform marital commitments and can create an atmosphere of commonality towards establishing an enduring relationship. I imagine that such points and issues may have been in the mind of Richard and Shauna as they opt to bind their love and commitment to each other. After all, as in the words of Robert D. Hales, “None of us marry perfection; we marry potential.” (Meeting the Challenges of Today’s World, lds.org.)

My one day of acquaintance with Richard, may not be sufficiently enough to know the depths of his personality and character, yet I trust in his humility, honesty and integrity. Instead of a comfortable accommodation in a hotel room, he agreed and decided to sleep in our home, in a room, he perhaps have never once experienced to slumber in his lifetime. This early display of noble attributes, plus the fact that Shauna described him as a very loving and kind man she ever knew, to me has become a precise overlay of the unknown side of Richard. His honest and candid observation about our family adds a boon to our first impression of him. He said, "I think your family is lovely and I'm grateful that they shuffled things around for me." However, Richard has yet to familiarize more about our family life. There is nothing of us to boast, but the love and support that we shared with each other.

With Richard's family

We met Richard’s family for the first time right on the wedding day in an arranged luncheon. It was simply a getting acquainted roundtable for the two families while waiting for the final event---the wedding reception. However, such a very short acquaintanceship leaves for me an imprint of a most profound respect and remarkably cherished first impression for the family. There was Richards’ octogenarian grandpa Alan; Daddy Timothy and Mommy Tracey; Uncle Simon and Aunt Catherine; Brother Julian and partner Cassie; and sister Lucy, who made it to the grand event, not counting the cost, in one united expression of support for Richard and Soi in that fresh episode of their lives together. In them I witnessed and felt an exemplary attitude of extending friendship and love beyond boundaries. I was awesomely touched as one of them pinned me a very modest token as an honest gesture of appreciation and respect. It was not the gift that was of value, but the eternal words that has been spoken as he said, “This is an emblem of friendship and love between two nations, two people, and two families.” The memento was a small lapel pin with symbols of the Australian and Philippine flags joined together. I trust that Richard and Shauna will have such cherished family relationships carried on into their family and even to the coming generations.  

On matters of temporal affairs and condition, our family is far at variance with Richard’s. They were born and raised in a highly developed country of Australia which has always been listed as one of the best livable countries of the world and we are living in a third world. They lived in a land of better and greater opportunities, while we are sustained by our resiliency in a land where the doors of opportunities are closed and bolted. Yet, we are all prepared to face our unending battles with life’s adversities, hopeful that our land will eventually be blessed as to provide more doors of opportunities forward to an abundant life for the Filipino people.

Nevertheless, I wanted Richard to know that we have long since realized that happiness in family life is not so much about the guts of luxury and career preoccupation as it is a real and honest concern for the physical security and spiritual well-being of children and family. Today, children are faced with overwhelming challenges. The ever changing and decaying moral values which are spread into the internet are almost irrepressible as to even penetrate in the sheltered and secured confines of home. Thus, they need a moral compass, a righteous exemplar and a guiding hand. Of this moral specter which threatens our children’s future, A. Theodore Tuttle raised this warning: “Parental responsibility cannot go unheeded, nor can it be shifted to day-care centers, nor to the schoolroom, nor even to the Church. Family responsibility comes by divine decree. Parents may violate this decree only at the peril of their eternal salvation.” (Altar, Tent, Well - ensign - LDS.org.)

As Richard is now the patriarch of his own family, he deserves my highest respect and honor in his divine role as the presiding authority in the home. I dissociate myself from any participation on how he and Shauna will guide and raise their children and how they would influence their children’s lives. And, I dare not intervene on how he will deal with the cultural and religious differences that is already most familiar to him from the beginning. However, if I may be given one final and dying wish, for I know I only have a short time remaining in this life, I would like to most humbly request my dearly beloved son-in-law Richard to allow Shauna to have the privilege to exercise her religiosity and worship God according to the dictates of her own conscience and faith and sacred covenants. She was born in the covenant and was sealed to our family for eternity. I can only hope that someday, Richard will be able to grasp the eternal truths of life so that our connections and family link will continue to be bound by an eternal love on to our celestial destinations.

As I turn my heart to my beloved son-in-law Richard, I again express my love and gratitude, in behalf of our family, for his trust and great love for Shauna. I wish to reiterate that no greater role is played in the world stage than that of being loyal marital partners and dependable parental guides; and no better players are called upon and appointed than those who are responsibly prepared and wholeheartedly committed to challenge the overwhelming accountability and serious obligations around the circle of home and family life.  

I would like to restate my best wishes on the wedding day that Richard and Shauna will be guided through in their yet long journey through life; that they will have the sustaining power and courage to battle with the inundating challenges along every lap of their life’s race; that they will widen their common prospective vision and creatively paint the wonderful tapestry of their on-going family life forward to a flourishing and glorious future; that they will eventually grasp God’s great eternal plan of happiness and soon realize that families are indeed meant forever. I pray that Richard and Shauna will wake up each morning to see the beautiful flowers of love abundantly sprinkled in the marvelous landscape of their marriage and family life and gather them together for a delightful bouquet for each other and their future children to cherish and treasure.

To Richard I say, I may not live long enough to see the beautiful rainbow that will eventually decorate the horizon and skyline all along your marital journey on to the fulfillment of my earnest prayers for you and Shauna and your family. Yet I am comfortable and confident that as you and Shauna will have your vision concentrated on your collective mutual goals, and progressively walk the miles beyond the rugged terrains of life’s race, you will in due time discover the golden gate to the wondrous corridor of success and victory.