THE DIVINE ATTRIBUTE OF FORGIVENESS

by: Norberto Betita

In the wee hours of midnight I and my wife were still awake figuring about our daughter’s marital dilemma with her husband. We have been trying to comfort both of them and made the best advice that we could possibly give as parents for them to hold on to each other and to be true to their temple covenants. But their trouble appeared to have gone deep that they seemed not to listen to our advises. It looks as if they were spending their days fostering offenses and preparing reprisals. They live far away from us so we could not really provide the best expressions of love and concern for them. We thought that if only they are right beside us our loving hugs and tender pats on the back will probably provide a much better message of forgiveness for each other. We had been praying for them each day with greater faith that they will be reconciled soon. 

While in the midst of our silent dialogue, my wife asked, “Had there been any mistakes or misdeeds on my part as a wife that hurt or injured your feelings during the almost 40 years of our marriage?” The stillness of the night, the silence of midnight as time shifts to the chilly breeze of early dawn, broken by occasional lightning and thunderstorm common during the rainy season seemed to echo in rhythmic succession the question not once asked in 39 years by a loving and most faithful wife of my own. I hold tight her cheeks and her beauty seemed to glow as light flashed from the lightning on the glass jalousies of our window. I told her with reassuring faithfulness, “Never once did I see or hear any faults of you for I am blinded and hearing-impaired by your love, beauty and faithfulness. Should there had been any misdeed not one ever remains in my memory for they are all erased and forgotten.” She laughed as if taking my words as a common humor. Yet I assured her those were words from the heart. 

I know I have many faults in my life as a husband and father. I should have asked her the same  question. But already I have always heard my dear Letty telling my children in words figurative that, “Through the years your fathers faults would have filled more than a bag of a 50-kilo rice. But the  bag’s bottom is open and so all were spilled and not one remained. Your father is my choice of a husband and father of you my children and I have to stand by and love that choice.” I felt such forgiveness always through those long years of our married life.

Sherrie Johnson once declared, “Forgiving those close to us for faults in our relationships is possibly the most difficult kind of forgiveness. But it is an important key to a happy life and is absolutely essential to eternal progression.”

Without forgiveness marital relationships could not possibly endure for as in the words of the Apostle Paul, “...all have sinned and come short of the glory of God.” (Romans 3:23). John the beloved also reminded us, “If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1: 8). And even emphasized that, “If we say that we have not sinned, we make him (the Lord) a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1: 10). As we enter the doors of marriage we need to be consciously alert and prepare our hearts of these unquestionable facts. We need to accept that there are going to be faults that are to surely enter into the bond and each should be ready to forgive and forget. Otherwise we will find no room for peace in our personal and family life. It is the spirit of forgiveness and its accompanying principle repentance that provides the needed peace---the internal peace. The peace that was radiated by the ultimate giver of peace who himself said: “blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.” (Matthew 5:9). 

“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

“But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.”(Matthew 6:14-15).

Forgiveness is an attribute of divinity. It is the fundamental nature and spirit of the Gospel. It is best expressed and exemplified by the Lord Himself who while hanging on the cross at Calvary pleaded in agony for those who humiliated, abused, spat upon, ridiculed and mocked Him, “Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.” (Luke 23:34).

Ought we not therefore to be more forgiving of those of our loved ones or anyone in our relationships who might have simply wronged us? Instead of drumming up the tiny mole hills of misunderstanding into mountains of disagreements and disdain, would it not be wonderful to forgive and forget unto repentance for the spirit of peace to dwell in our relationships? 

In these the latter days the Lord repeated most clearly His admonition to forgive: “My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.

“Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the Lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.

“I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

“And ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds.” (D & C 64: 8-11).

Than for us to bear the never ending animosity and anguish of soul, for which the attendant guilt is much “harder to bear than physical pain” (Boyd K. Packer), what we need most is to willingly sit down and silently talk together in a quiet confine and encircling bond of love and peace we once entered into by a covenant, forward to the sweetest blessing of all. The doors of our hearts and homes should therefore be closed against the vile spirit of fault finding, criticizing, pride, jealousy and enmity. 

Let our hearts be turned to Christ and His redeeming love. “The pure love of Christ is a unifying force that seeks to assist, whereas unrighteous judgment and criticism do the opposite. Many of us, unfortunately, have been both the victims and the perpetrators of unrighteous judgment ourselves, and we know what it does to relationships.” (Arthur R. Bassett). However, the Lord can heal whatever wounds the guilt from sin may have inflicted.

This healing was described by Alma after he has repented of his sins. Declared he, “My soul hath been redeemed from the gall of bitterness and bonds of iniquity. I was in the darkest abyss; but now I behold the marvellous light of God. My soul was racked with eternal torment; but I am snatched, and my soul is pained no more.” (Mosiah 27:29).

Dallin H. Oaks ones said, “One of the most Godlike expressions of the human soul is the act of forgiveness...Forgiveness is mortality’s mirror image of the mercy of God.” After having been forgiven, Alma cried out, “...oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!” (Alma 36:17-20).

The challenges of relationships are never ending. Individual mistakes and faults are constantly a part of the circle. To retract an inch is a sad demonstration of weakness and frequently results to an eventual failure and disappointment. But to bravely advance and face every challenge, walking past all mistakes and faults in the sweet spirit of forgiveness and repentance, brings joy and gladness and invite the superior Light that provides greater tranquility, harmony and peace.