MY FATHER AND I

By: Norberto Betita

My father Millan Guhiting Betita

In the patriarchal order of heaven, fatherhood is a calling given to all men in mortality to train for a more glorious and divine responsibility in eternity. Our earthly family organization upon which the father is given the responsibility to preside, provide and protect is designed after the pattern of heavenly household in which Heavenly Father is the head. A righteous family is an eternal unit. As such our being a father is a most noble and sacred calling, and our most important accountability as fathers is our family. Whatever vocation we have in this life, “The greatest work [we] will ever do will be within the walls of [our] own home” (Harold B. Lee, Strengthening the Home[1973], 7). We are warned by a prophet of God that “No other success in life can compensate for failure in the home” (David O. McKay, in Conference Report, Apr. 1964, 5).

My father and I have both passed one common responsibility of fatherhood. During the most demanding days of our paternal routine, we mutually believed that there is no greater task that affords immeasurable joy and gladness than being a father to our children. 

I love my father, Millan Guhiting Betita. He may not be perfect as a husband and father. He may have some annoying and undesirable vices which to some may not be worthy of a father, but as a son I cherish every memory---bad or good of my father’s personality and his love for thirteen of us his children. He was born October 11, 1909 to Jose Betita and Nieves Guhiting. His father Jose was known in our small town as “Dalan” (road), because whenever he was heavily drunken with wine, he slept on the road. My father became an heir to such a vice although it was surprising to me that his elder brother did not as to even taste wine. He also is involved in gambling. In our small town there was no other past-time than a drinking spree with friends and neighbors, which sometimes result in quarreling between the same members of the group when already drunk. As a young boy I have been observant of these things.

My parents with my young family

My father is a good carpenter. His level of education equivalent to grade five was already highly educated during his time. He always took pride of his English speaking ability specially when drunk. Whenever he did not have carpentry work, he joined with my mother in selling fish at the Surigao market. He and our mother have to work together to provide for our daily subsistence.

I have the best memories of my father as an unruffled cool man when not drunken with wine. His sobriety is exceptional. When there are chores that should be done at home, he did it himself even if the children are available, such as fetching water, gathering and chopping firewoods and others until we came to the rescue. He did not want to disturb us, especially when we are doing our school assignments. He understood best the value of education in our lives. But he trained us to work. He would ask his friends to allow us to plant and harvest rice for a share. He taught us to peddle and market fish around our town. He wanted us to learn and understand that in order to survive and eat the bread of the laborer we have to sweat our brows.

Many times during my boyhood when we are on the seashore waiting for fishermen to dock he would tell me stories about his life. He told me about his being an expert horse rider. During his younger days he owned horses which he used for his mobility as a carpenter. He related to me some of his experiences during World War II and how difficult life has been during those times while they live in places of evacuation in the valleys and mountains, hiding from the Japanese Imperial Army. From the mountains he would ferry some of the fishermen into town during the night in order to go fishing, and he would come in the morning to fetch them back to the evacuation center. He told me of the great battle at Surigao Strait which is just right in front of our town, when General McArthur’s fleet and PT-boats bombarded and eventually sank the Japanese warship. He heard bombs and artillery fires. As a young boy, I loved those stories which he related sometimes together with my friends at the beach under the shadow of moonlight early in the night or before the crack of dawn.

Seldom did I hear him shout at us his children. I am not sure though during the time when he was a young father for I am the ninth of thirteen. I have gotten a hard whip of a stick from my mother as an act to discipline, but never once was I hit with a rod of discipline from my father, not even when he was drunk. I am both very grateful of my mother’s discipline and my father’s sobriety for they taught me lessons of good parenting.

My father and I are like chalk and cheese---he is a winebibber, never once did I taste wine; he gambles, I don’t---while a young boy I tried but as I grow up I realized it was not for me; he has thirteen children, I only have five; he is sober and cool, I am temperamental and disciplinarian, particularly during my younger days. I thought that to spare the rod is to spoil the child, but I later realized that it is so much better to spare the rod and love the child. As I became a parent myself, I came to realize that there were many lessons learned from my parents which eventually guided me in my own parental responsibilities.

One thing that reminds me most as a young man was that every time my father was drunk, my mother or sister or brother would call and request me to go and fetch him. Once he was in altercation with a big and sober man, and he wanted to really fight although he was already groggy. Even my mother and elder brothers could not pacify him. One of my brothers directed me to go for him. I went and escorted him home without so much of an effort. That is one good thing about my father and I. We respected each other. Many times he would try me as a young man if I would truly stand on what I believe to be right. But I firmly believe what I stood for, especially as I learned from the scriptures that “Wine is a mocker, strong drink is raging: and whosoever is deceived thereby is not wise” (Proverbs 20:1). And the scriptural warnings “Be not among winebibbers…: For the drunkard… shall come to poverty. Who hath woe? who hath sorrow? who hath contentions? who hath babbling? who hath wounds without cause? who hath redness of eyes? They that tarry long at the wine; they that go to seek mixed wine. Look not thou upon the wine when it is red, when it giveth his colour in the cup, when it moveth itself aright. At the last it biteth like a serpent, and stingeth like an adder” (Proverbs 23:20-21, 29-32). And he respected me even more. I treasured very much the fact that he believed in me.

My father and I have also many things in common---he loved his wife very much, I loved my wife as being the best thing that ever happened to me and ever will be; he loved me dearly as a son, and I as well loved my son so much; he loved his children unconditionally, I loved my children absolutely; he told me stories of his experiences, I told my children about my life; he taught his children to work hard, I taught my children about work as a ruling principle in life; he taught his children the value of education and supported them according to his limits, I sent my children through college even beyond my limits; he is loved by us his children, my children always loved my company; he is a poor father and he has every reason for it with thirteen children, and I too am poor with only five.

Despite his difficult life, he was not envious of his elder brother’s affluence. He refused to covet the fruits of his brother’s efforts. He told me that the very rich coconut plantation which contributed to his brother’s affluence should have been shared by them as an inheritance. But he knew that it was entirely the product of his brother’s labors and so he deserved to have it. Hence, he chose a tract of unplanted land, which he later sold because of the distance. Once his brother suggested that he be allowed to send one of the twin brother of our family to go to college and be a lawyer, but my father refused for reason that he did not want our family and his brother’s family to be disaffected and experience hostility out of jealousy. I love his belief that family relationship is more to be treasured than silver and gold.

In his later seniority he would love to visit his children and their families in the City together with my mother. Many times I would invite him to come and visit us, but he jokingly would tell me “there are no vitamins in your home”---referring to wine which ostensibly was giving him strength in old age. I would tell him you can have all types of drinks, except cola and wine and he would just laugh. During our visits with my parents I cherished the joy and gladness that I observed of them as they saw and embrace their posterity.

Once I shared to him the gospel of Jesus Christ. He and my mother were taught by American missionaries. In the course of our several appointments, he was challenged by the missionaries for baptism into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. For the first time in my life, I saw tears roll down from his eyes as he sincerely told us that much as he is willing, he could not do it without my mother---who is very much devoted to her faith. I shed many tears as well as the young missionaries. We respected very much his predicament and understood his sincere concern. His decision showed his great love for my mother. To me, a son, the love and concern of my father for my mother was of paramount importance than everything that he did for us.

He was ripened by age, but never at any time did his mental capacity declined. Physically stricken, he remained conscious of the bond that he had with his dearly beloved wife---our mother. He died on November 10, 1994 at the age of 85 leaving almost a hundred descendants---grandchildren and great-grandchildren. His fatherhood was to me exemplary notwithstanding his imperfections. Minus his vices which were distinctly a matter of personal choice, the rest about him is an epitome of the father that I wanted to be and for my son to emulate. His life to me is a schoolmaster.

On this day, Sunday, June 21, 2015, in time for the world’s celebration of FATHER’S DAY, I wrote this memoir of my father to pass on the wonderful legacy that he bequeathed to us his children and his posterity. The prophet Malachi recorded: “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord: And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers, lest I come and smite the earth with a curse” (Malachi 4:5-6). “…For their salvation is necessary and essential to our salvation, as Paul says concerning the fathers—that they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect” (D&C 128:15). As it is further written, “…It is sufficient to know, in this case, that the earth will be smitten with a curse unless there is a welding link of some kind or other between the fathers and the children…” (D&C 128:18). It is my hope that this will help weld the needed link that will connect our families together in the eternities.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO MY SON ROBERT SHERWIN; MY SONS-IN-LAW, JESLE AND FRAODEL; MY LIVING BROTHERS MANOLITO, CLEMENTE, MILLIAN, JR. AND ARNOLD; MY LIVING BROTHERS-IN-LAW ANACORITO, GUILLERMO AND JOSE!

SURIGAO YOUTH CULTURAL EVENT: THIS WE TESTIFY

by: Norberto Betita

The youth of the Surigao Philippines District of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints were filled with scheduled activities for their summer vacation. From the District Youth Conference---April 30-May 1-2--- to their weekly mutual, and young men camp---May 13-15---and young women camp---May 21-23, the youth enjoyed them all while on their vacation from the rigors of school works. In between these activities were scheduled practices for the planned cultural event which served as the culminating activity for summer 2015. The church had spent substantial amount for all these activities if only to edify and strengthen the youth and to rescue the lost ones. The youth were made to understand that each soul is precious in the sight of God. It matters not how much amount the church spends for as long as there is one---even only one rescued. The worth of “the one” is so precious that it cost the most precious blood of the only sinless man who ever lived on earth, even the only begotten Son of God. These activities are likewise aimed at developing the youth towards life’s balance both physically, mentally, morally and spiritually. 

For the Beauty of the Earth by Surigao 3rd branch youth

During the youth cultural event on May 30, 2015 with the theme: This We Testify, we were there as guest family performer to sing Together Forever Someday. We have never been in their regular practice, so I did not know the extent of their preparations. We were also in attendance to support members of our family who were regular participants in the cultural event. As the curtains started to open after the opening exercises, I began to be amazed. The stage preparation was very simple, but the beginning presentation, For the Beauty of the Earth sung by the 3rd Branch youth was to me grand. I do not easily appreciate performances unless it touches my heart. The youth were not as good singers as those I have seen on television and social media. Yet, the expressions that they gave of the song had touched the depths of my heart. I thought I need to see more, thinking that the rest might just be as bad as our unprepared family presentations. Then there follows another chorus, a duet, a solo, a medley and more. And, I sank, pretty sure that our family presentation will destroy the magnificent performances covering the whole program. I repented that I did not make real effort to prepare. Yet to retract would even make us mean. We have no choice but to perform our assigned part. 

Marriage for Eternity duet by Urim Arcon and Mary Jane Graven

The event was intended to represent our life’s journey from eternity to eternity. Fourteen beautiful songs and hymns were in the series, sequenced after the manner of our journey. In between each song and hymn are spoken words recorded in videos from voices of members. The songs and hymns included; For the Beauty of the Earth by 3rd Branch youth; Follow the Prophet by Taft Branch; What Child Is This by Washington Branch; A solo of Jesus No Ordinary Man by Angel Orillan; I stand all amazed by Branches 1,2 and 3; Praise the Man, a duet by Keeshia B. Palma and Angel Orillan in medley with 3rd Branch; For Our Day a duet by Shinehah Remion and KayAn B. Palma; Strength Beyond My Own a solo by Mharbi Edradan; We Thank Thee O God for a Prophet, an acapella solo by Urim Arcon; Marriage for Eternity, duet by Mary Jane Graven and Urim Arcon; Together Forever Someday by the Betita family; Priesthood Men by all young men; Walk Tall, You’re A Daughter of God by all young women; concluding with These Are the Days by a quartet from San Francisco Branch---Pearl Joy, Lindel, Hermchel and Ethel together with all young men and young women. Alternating on the piano are three youths---Shinehah Remion, Sidney Clark Ordonia, and Erika Preciosa performing with precision and expertise. 

Praise the Man duet by Angel Orillian and Keeshia B. Palma & 3rd Brach

Not a minute or two did I felt bored for in each performance I seemed to hear angels singing songs of praises to God. Each performance is unique and the performers particularly gifted. I am not sure though how our family performance of Together Forever Someday touched the audience. We were happy however that at the conclusion of the program we were congratulated for having a beautiful rendition of the song. Perhaps they felt compelled to express their compliments because performing before them on stage were the counselor of the mission presidency, the district president, the counselor of the district Relief Society, the district primary president, and the counselor in the district young women presidency and their children and grandchildren which composed our family. We are so grateful that we are given that special part to sing as a family of a song which convey the message of a hopeful promise that families can be together forever. 

For Our Day by Shinehah Remion
and KayAn B. Palma

Strength Beyond My Own by Mharbi Edradan

Splendidly impressive was my overall appraisal of the youth cultural event. Indeed, according to their theme---this we testify---the wonderful performances represented their sincere testimonies of the truth in the form of songs and hymns. 

What Child Is This by Washington Branch

The event could not have taken shape and show up should it not have been for the relentless and patient efforts of its overall director Donna Tandan Torres; the musical director Jennifer M. Remion; and the willing support of the young men and young women leaders in the branches and district and the priesthood leadership. The cooperation was notable. To them we collectively express our deep and heartfelt gratitude.

CRAIG KIRBY: HIS STRENGTH IS AS THE STRENGTH OF TEN

By: Norberto Betita

Each time his grandmother is out on travel, my grandson Craig Kirby usually sleeps beside me in our bedroom. He always enjoyed and loved our company as grandparents. He is very respectful of us and obedient, although like other children, he also has his own occasional tantrums. He is growing fast and physically strong; good looking and joyful. When bored, he sits in front of the computer for games. But he loves more the outside atmosphere, playing outdoor games with neighborhood friends. He reads the scriptures and prays with us and volunteers to give lessons for our family home evenings. He is such a good boy, although at times disturbed by the early challenges of his childhood. As his grandfather, I have every wish in my heart that I may be given enough time to live as to help guide him into his journey to the unknown future and help him discover the great potential that is in his person. I wish I will have more time for him as paternal substitute.

First honors grade V with Daddy Oliver

He was born on June 4, 2005 and today is his 10th birthday celebration. I awaken him and greeted him with a happy birthday hug and kiss. He said, “thank you, ‘lo.” I kind of sing for him “happy birthday, way manok (no chicken), hamok spaghetti, way sagol” (plenty of spaghetti, but no ingredients). He just laughed. Of course he never expects a sumptuous feast for his birthday. He knows and understands well our present circumstances. All he needs is for him to feel being loved by all in the family. The night before, his mother was kind of irritated as a result of his delayed enrolment. She complained of Craig Kirby’s welfare as being passed on like a ball from one player to another and was only done after she got a little mad. He was listening, and to comfort him the family jested of him as being like a ball tossed to and fro. He just smiled. In previous days, I observed him worried about his enrolment. Whenever he called his father and was promised it will be soon, he would immediately cut the call. I always assured him not to worry for if nobody cares, we as his grandparents will take responsibility.

With mommy Hazel

Earlier, he was most affected by the estrangement problem that he and his siblings experienced. He had to waste one full school year. However, he eventually regained courage and faith to face his adversity and went back to school with greater conviction and deeper determination. He ended up fourth in his class. After receiving his medal, he promised his mother that he would do better. With continued challenges that are crossing his way even in the early laps of his journey, I can only hope that he will have the needed continuing personal motivation to do better and excel. I do have great faith in his capabilities and intellectual capacity. I trust and have faith in his ability to handle his life as he runs through his personal challenges. How I really wanted to see him walk the isles of success.

As he now turns ten years old, my thoughts hark back the memory of the Poem “Sir Galahad” by Alfred Lord Tennyson:

“My strength is as the strength of ten
Because my heart is pure.” (lines 3–4, Sir Galahad, Wikipedia)

My wish today is for him to continue with his early love and faith in Jesus Christ as for him to grow in obedience and righteousness that by his pure heart, he may truly have the strength of ten to battle and win against his personal confrontations with adversity. He has been given the gift of the Holy Ghost to guide him through as he remain worthy of its influence. Then perhaps in the midst of his own tempestuous voyage, like Sir Galahad, he would a vision see and hear the still small voice utter:

“When down the stormy crescent goes,
A light before me swims,
Between dark stems the forest glows,
I hear a noise of hymns:
Then by some secret shrine I ride;
I hear a voice but none are there;” (lines 25–30)

As both his substitute father and grandfather, I am ever hopeful that he will, along his life’s trek, be able to fully comprehend and understand that the early dark moments of his life was not meant to bury him in the depths of despair and woe, but was to have him planted in the fertile garden of life to gain roots strong enough to hold him tight while facing continued winds of adversity along his path to glory. As Sir Galahad continues:

“As down dark tides the glory slides,
And star-like mingles with the stars.” (lines 47–48)

If one day, by chance, my tomorrow never comes, with this piece and writings I want him to know that he is one of my dearly beloved posterity whom I wanted to meet in a grand reunion someday. May he live his life as to qualify for the Lord’s promised glory. In this day of his birth I wish him the best that the future holds. May he grow ever stronger each day with continued faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and a nobler vision to follow the tough and uphill trail to victory.

CRAIG KIRBY, my eldest grandson, what a boy you are! As I think of the best words to describe your boyhood in this your birthday, I have to stop and wipe my tears. You’re such a very good boy to me and to your grandma. Sometimes I wonder why at times you are a little stubborn to your parents, but to us you always take only a word to obey. You always give us your highest respect, that even for little things you always ask for our permission and authority. I see in you an innate intellectual and learning capacity. Given proper parental guidance you have the potential for greater personal success. It breaks my heart though that when the boredom of home becomes inevitable, I could not easily be with you where you wanted to go and relax. Good that your uncles are ever ready substitutes. How I wish I will have an extended life to help guide you through the most challenging journey of your life. We love you very much. We will stand by you throughout the remaining days of our lives. May you find joy and gladness in this your natal day celebration.

MY ELDEST GRANDSON CRAIG KIRBY, IN BEHALF OF THE BETITA FAMILY, I EXPRESS OUR WARMEST AND MOST SINCERE GREETINGS TO YOU ON THIS YOUR NATAL DAY. HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!